What would you do in a group situation with a person who has to one-up everyone or strives to make a nasty negative comment?

Beat them sensless.
14% (9 votes)
Call them out in front of everyone and embarrass them.
17% (11 votes)
Return fire with the exact same attitude, Give them a taste of their own medicine.
23% (15 votes)
Pull them aside and explain your feelings.
25% (16 votes)
Tell them you feel sorry for them then leave and never come back?
20% (13 votes)
Total votes: 64


TomH's picture

None of the above. I'd probably try my best to not react and ignore them. If you react, that will be the impetus for them to react to your reaction ... and that's a never ending cycle.

MMario's picture

I'm with tom

MMario - I'm not divorced from reality - we're having a trial separation

YugiDean's picture


"Men can starve from a lack of self-realization as much as they can from a lack of bread." --Richard Wright


Crafty Andy's picture

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Somone who wants to have one up on anyone is a mattter of self esteem, I would just ignore that. Someone one who is negative I always try to counteract by pointing out something positive, sometimes that works, people change their attitude. Personal attacks, Bigotry and condenscending behavior I have no patience for that and will defend anyone being attacked, by calling it what it is, because eventually it will come your way, believe me ignoring a person who is making bigoted comments all the time does not work.

Lastly I will address the problem with the group leader, or the boss of the group leader if it does not work, and finally I will leave if things do not change. I don't surround myself with negative, bigoted, condesceding people, I am extremely picky about the people I break bread with and the people I knit or the people I am in a group with. There is a point of educating ignorance, but like they say You can put lipstick on a pig, and it will still be a pig with lipstick on.

Life is too short to spend time in a place that is negative, I will create my own group, or be among people that have a different attitude. Ignoring someone who is negative one time or two is ok, but if they have a very negative behavior, they need to keep that to themselves unless is a therapy group, then is a different story. In the end you need to feel good in the place you go to otherwise stay home . Unhappy people should be taxed Extra!

Buck Strong's picture

Well, in my mind I would be beating the crap out of them. Also, I would go out to a pub (with whatever guy I'm boinking from the same group) and talk serious trash about them. Sometimes, being shallow can be so much fun. During the group interaction, I would most likely ignore them. If it got to be too much, I would make a polite comment in front of the group that some of the comments might be perceived as hurtful.

"A man may fight for many things. His country, his friends, his principles, the glistening tear on the cheek of a golden child. But personally, I'd mud-wrestle my own mother for a ton of cash, an amusing clock and a sack of French porn." Blackadder

To sit with a dog on a hillside on a glorious afternoon is to be back in Eden, where doing nothing was not boring-it was peace.
~Milan Kundera

gryffin2007's picture

Ditto to Tom. I have a co-worker who is like this, and for years it was never-ending. Finally, I just stopped responding, and now she's moved on to one-upping someone else.

teejtc's picture

What would I do... or what would like to think I'd do?... :-)

I would probably roll my eyes at the closest person in the group I knew understood.... I'd like to think I'd be big enough to ignore it. Often I am... sometimes not. At a certain point (if it continues) it's worth talking to the leader/facilitator of the group (often group leaders don't quite understand the dynamics taking place in the groups they lead).

Grace and Peace,

grandcarriage's picture

Sweet Jesus, I hope you're not talking about me. If I was, you should have just bitchslapped me upside the head. I probably deserved it anyway.

Jaxom's picture

As Tom and others have said.
These sort of people don't get invited back again and others are able to see through them. If they however said something that was vile, racist or bigotted then I would pull them up on it if we were alone. In company I would turn my back on them mid sentence and start a conversation with the person next to me. the person next to me is often looking for a simmular way to avoid the problem person. A roll of the eyes often confirms how they also feel.
Soon the problem person gets the message that they are not welcome.

BuduR's picture

I've been in this situation and unfortunately the ones doing all the talking were the shop owner and her friends, I quit the group and never went back. But normally, I would either try to ignore them, or be as upbeat and complimentary as they are negative, nothing pisses off this type of person more than my "miss perky" alter ego.

MWK's Token Estrogen-American

MWK's Token Estrogen-American

PaganCub's picture

i voted for beat them senseless, because i'd really LOVE to; however, i would probably give them a nasty dose of their own medicine then get up and walk away so i can have the last word

and yes, that is probably the FANTASTIC margaritas that i had from Don Pablo's (mex-american chain restaurant). i was drunk by 2pm est. w00t!
Change your thoughts; change your world.

Change your thoughts; change your world.

grandcarriage's picture

There is a gal who does this at a knitting group I go to. I find myself talking less and less. I have caught myself being a little disrespectful when she gets on my nerves, and I don't like that in myself.

98198Morgan's picture

Morgan Hicks
All Points Yarn
21921 Marine View Drive South
Des Moines, WA  98198

There's always the treat the individual and group to a bit of Bob Newhart approach.

The person with the one-up-person-ship attitude may be a little mentally unstable. Just patronize them and ask others in the group if they feel the same way as the nuisance person does. Or does "anyone else want to share."

The person will get the insult and if not, others will pipe in and respond with laughter. If the know-it-all persists, confront them.

There are bull dozers, and bullshi**ers, I prefer the bullshi**ers.


Morgan Hicks
All Points Yarn
21921 Marine View Drive South
Des Moines, WA  98198

dannvictoria's picture

I would like to think I would talk to them privately, however, I think I would let the group leader know that I wasn't happy with the behaviour and if they did nothing to change the behaviour I would look for another group. I and a clinical social worker and don't want to work in a social group.

joeyune's picture

OMG so funny, I'd probably go through a process of all of the above. in my head I'd want to beat the crap out of them. I would never pull them aside unless it was a friend doing something like that out of character. Then I would give it back to them cause i'm just a bitch sometimes and well if they are gonna act like that in front of me and around people I like they deserve it. after that obviously I would call them cause you know they would just go on about it. Then I would tell them how sorry I was for them that they were so clueless and how much of an A-hole they were and proceed to walk away. And i've done exactly this to someone before who comes in our bar regularly, and every time you tell him something about your life or your plans or what you've done he has to one up you on it. I just got tired of hearing him do it to one of the bartenders while I was sitting there knitting.

The nice person in me would say ignore it but people like that really don't have a clue and just need to be served in a big way otherwise they will keep doing it.

kindablue's picture

Being from a rather large and somewhat extended family, I would certainly give 'tude back. It's how we roll with each other and that tends to flow into my outside life. I'm never rude as a result of interacting with those I love, th0, I believe in telling the truth. I have a brother who does this with me constantly, and I get that that's his way of communicating with me. S'ok, th0, I can hold my own! And the fact that I do makes our relationship even better. I say tell the truth about it!!!

I have a much simpler way of responding. I will usually say to them "How nice for you." "Isn't that interesting?" "How is that working for you?" and then simply change the subject to the positive. If it gets really bad, I just don't sit with them anymore. I don't like to get caught up in power struggles with someone who really won't matter to me in the long run. I find someone to visit with, even it it requires moving somewhere else.

michaelpthompson's picture

I'm honest enough I'd probably ask why this person needs to be so negative, or I might just mention that such negativity is unpleasant. If it were happening regularly, I just wouldn't come back. If there is a group host, I'd probably mention why I'm not planning to be back.

"All knitting is just one stitch at a time."