Dwindling (NKR)

YugiDean's picture

Oof...so one of my best friends from college left a couple of months ago for Grad school. She went to the grad. school that we'd both visited and planned on attending way back in the day when I was still in college (I graduated 4 1/2 years ago, and it was probably a year or two before that, even). Needless to say, finances and new life directions did not lead me there with her. It took her a while to get there, anyway. So she left about two months ago, and I spoke with her briefly the week after she left. That's the last I heard from her. One of my other very close friends and her met (through me) a couple of years ago and quickly became best of friends...probably wound up closer to each other than they did to me, which was kind of sad to a degree. There for a while, they were constantly in touch and hanging out even while the communication and face-to-face time with me was minimal. It's not anyone's fault, really. My schedule is reversed from just about everyone else's, making it hard to hang out with friends and even my boyfriend during the week. The other friend left a week before Allison to start his third year of college at a 4-year institution in Texas (he'd done his first two at a jr. college here in KC). I heard from him a couple of times via text (excluding two mass emails he'd sent to everyone in his address book) and he indicated he'd heard from my friend Allison and that she was doing well. I've called and texted and emailed, and even tonight when I emailed her, I got the email back stating that her email address no longer existed.

I guess I wonder at what point you just give up? I know our friendship wasn't the strongest ever before she left due to scheduling issues, and she left to go start a new, busy, crazy life a state and a half away. Meh. My other friend is equally distant. I asked him if he knew whether Allison was okay (after a month of silence from BOTH of them). He texted me to tell me he would reply to my email soon. That was, what? Two or three weeks ago. I guess I just need to learn how to branch out and make new friends. I've got my best friend and my boyfriend, and that's pretty much it. I get along with all my coworkers, but I'm not real big on mixing work with non-work. It makes my non-work time start to feel a lot like work, and you can get really tired of those people really fast when you see them both on AND off work.

Sorry so far off topic. Just weighing heavy on my mind.

Comments

AndrewNiehus's picture

I always like to hold old

I always like to hold old friends in a kind of treasured memory. I think back on the good times we had, and no matter how we have drifted apart, the fights we have had, or the distances that have come between us on our journey through life, we still have the memories. Losing someone is always hard, but think of the great times you could have together again if situations changed. Who knows, schedules could change, life could move you together again. One of my best friends and I moved a part for almost 5 years, I am at school and he was off living his life, married, divorced etc, but now I am finishing my schooling, and we actually can see each other. We have been friends since elementary school, and what I thought was lost has now come back again. Hope springs eternal. I know it is always hard to make new friends, but go out and do something you will meet amazing people. With a schedule like yours...who knows, there are bound to be 24hr places to meet people. Coffee places come to mind. If all else fails, come move to Oregon, and I will take you dancing and you will meet all kinds of new and interesting people. Bring your boyfriend, I am sure you both would love the Portland area, it is pretty, and we have a ton of tech companies.

YugiDean's picture

It's good to know I'm not

It's good to know I'm not alone on this type of an experience. It does suck, but I guess it's just a part of life. I will muscle forward...with what little muscle I have. LOL

Thanx for the encouragement, guys (and gal)

"Men can starve from a lack of self-realization as much as they can from a lack of bread." --Richard Wright

http://www.flickr.com/photos/yugidean
http://yugidean.etsy.com
http://www.myspace.com/joshuapkennedy

BuduR's picture

It is very hard to lose a

It is very hard to lose a friend no matter how it happens. I'm very picky about my friends and have very few in what I consider my "real life". I fear right now that I am about to lose one of my online friends for reasons that I have no control of. hahaha maybe I ought to blog this and get opinions from some men instead of the women I know. Anyway, Yugi, you will always have us and we love you (even if I do disappear from time to time, I am always thinking about you guys. At least once a day)
and if I'm "one of the guys" in this group, I dont' mind one bit being called a guy :)

~hugs~
MWK's Token Estrogen-American

steve kadel's picture

ditto on this discussion on

ditto on this discussion on many levels. i have come some truths i never knew before. relationships are hard work some times and they go through changes and evolutions, but just like fires, they have to be tended. on the other hand, some friendships may run their course and the way they felt satisfying before, no longer works. either together you adapt to something that is satisfying or not.

it has also been my experience that sometimes giving relationships a long lease allows them to grow and come back

ManMadeKnits's picture

Sounds like you should move

Sounds like you should move to Illinois. All the cool kids live in Illinois.

YugiDean's picture

I've got my UHaul ready.

I've got my UHaul ready. LOL

Hey...when did you change your username?

"Men can starve from a lack of self-realization as much as they can from a lack of bread." --Richard Wright

http://www.flickr.com/photos/yugidean
http://yugidean.etsy.com
http://www.myspace.com/joshuapkennedy

BuduR's picture

you spelled that wrong it's

you spelled that wrong it's M-i-c-h-i-g-a-n

MWK's Token Estrogen-American

BuduR's picture

I feel for you here. where

I feel for you here. where I live I have one person I would consider my friend. She knows where I live, she has my email, phone number etc etc etc. But when it comes to keeping in touch, it's always left up to me to call her. She will even send messages through people I know, like if she bumps into one of my kids or something, for me to call her. The last time she did this I pretty much ignored it, I have given up because even when I do try to reach her it's usually her answering machine I get, or she just says "I'm busy call me back later" All my other friends are far away, Utah, Germany, Greece. I'm not big on social scenes. I pretty much keep to myself, making friends has always been easy for me, but I tend to not like people so I stay home most of the time.
The recent troubles I had that kept me away from most of the things I enjoyed would have been a bit easier maybe if I had had someone supporting me through it, but when I did call her to talk to her about it she told me "Well my daughter is having problems getting grants for college I dont' have time for this"
But when she had a hysterectomy, even though I was having chemo at the time I dropped everything and stayed with her at the hospital as much as I could. almost day and night.
And the thing of it is. I could sympathize with these things more if 1. her and her husband didn't have a 6 figure income and 2. If she had known I was going through chemo, but she didn't because every time I tried to tell her she was off on her own problems, like how it cost $400 for surgery for her gerbil.
I guess there comes a point when you have to ask yourself if you're happy being THEIR friend when the other is making no effort at all to be YOUR friend.

MWK's Token Estrogen-American