Twilight Rendezvous

New York Built's picture

I present, for your consideration, a dominatrix I call Mrs. X. She Who Has Always Been Obeyed, Dammit! reigns a benign knit-autocracy on the Upper East Side of New York.

You know the look. The scan of the raptor's eye, swiftly sweeping the knitted object, detecting errors, sampling weakness, scanning for technique flaws, surface blemishes, sizing-judgment imperfections. A calculating machine for how much energy is required to fly the victim away to the aerie for hideous consumption. You can only hope that shock takes hold before the deed begins.

Barking orders to worshipers who have paid well for her indulgences, she commands a position to see the front door of the shop, her back to the management's office. "Knit two more rows!" she beckons to a courtier cowering in a comfy chair. Other supplicants await orders as their handiwork proceeds.

The initial impact of this woman is at once strangely attractive and terrifying. Well coiffed, up swept silver hair, pursed blood-red lips, black elegant dress and well-honed nails befit a carnivore, albeit wool, silk, linen or cotton. Acrylic and other new species are indigestible and left for the bottom-feeders.

This evening, I scan the shop's offerings on the walls, I am greeted by her priestesses. I become the unwitting fodder for today's menu.

"Oh, you are a knitter?" The question rolls out like the oily first wave of the Exxon Valdez.

"Yeah, I am. I can show you what I'm working on." The exchanged smiles between the staff is gleefull for the feast to come.

The raptor's gaze moves my way and a voice that crackles like a candy wrapper at the opera yet smoky, seductive, and saccharine pleads, "Let me see." I suddenly feel like Hansel in the forest.

I display my latest. The object is tested, analyzed, reviewed and weighed in 30 microseconds. Disappointment is clear on her face.

Comments

Aaronknits's picture

She must've been a Catholic

She must've been a Catholic school teacher before she worked in a yarn shop.

(nothing against Catholics, really. Just the school teachers.)

New York Built's picture

Be Careful! As a former

Be Careful! As a former student of Sister Constant Agony of the Order of the Holy Inflamed Foot (First Metatarsal), J'accuse the whole diocese for her behavior. I still weep when I read "Matilda".

“There are those that do and those that don’t”
“Those that will and those that won’t”

twistknit's picture

whip me, beat me, knit me

whip me, beat me, knit me gloves

Joe-in Wyoming's picture

I await Episode 2 with bated

I await Episode 2 with bated breath. Sounds as though I've run into one of her younglings along my path through knitdom. -- Books, knitting, cats, fountain pens...Life is Good.

New York Built's picture

Devil Spawn...though I think

Devil Spawn...though I think I made a scarf with that once. Have to check the stash.

“There are those that do and those that don’t”
“Those that will and those that won’t”

Joe-in Wyoming's picture

I've had a few skeins of

I've had a few skeins of yarn (and projects) that I thought of as Devil Spawn but haven't run into any specific brand named that. Thank goodness! -- Books, knitting, cats, fountain pens...Life is Good.

scottly's picture

Oh, my, I haven't run into

Oh, my, I haven't run into an uppity yarn dragon (or should I say "fibre" dragon) in years - all of my yarn ladies want to mother.

New York Built's picture

LOL...this is the Mother of

LOL...this is the Mother of all Fiber Dragons. More details to come...Episode 2 awaits.

scottly's picture

Oh, good - a serial. :-)

Oh, good - a serial. :-)

mrossnyc's picture

Sounds like the mother of

Sounds like the mother of the guy you ran into on the subway last week. Read some EZ to feed your soul instead of subjecting yourself to being misunderstood by some old crone on the Upper East Side that has decided to take out the misery of her own life and its disappointments on those around her. That whole area feels so foreign to me. I rarely venture into those woods. But now, my curiosity is raised to see this evil creature...

MMario's picture

So what waqs the project?

So what waqs the project? And her comments? And your reaction?

DETAILS!

Don't be such a tease...

albert's picture

You sure it wasn't Botox

You sure it wasn't Botox withdrawal?

OKknitguy's picture

Hilarious! You are such an

Hilarious! You are such an awesome writer! I think she travels. I feel sure I've met her in Oklahoma.